I remember when our nursing professor said to us on our first day of class, “While you are in nursing school, you will have to pick your schedule around nursing school, not the other way around.” Chronic pain is similar. My day works around my chronic pain. There is no way in telling what or how my body will feel. The day is always a surprise and it is uncertain. If I get lucky, my pain stays around 3. If not, it hangs around 5. When it is a hard and considered a bad day, my pain stays around 7 or higher. Pain is so intense that it interferes with my ability to live. I cannot work as a Registered Nurse. I cannot go out on a date with my wife. I cannot travel an hour from home or go on a jog. Chronic pain has affected every part of my daily life that most people without pain do not realize…
I am only 33 and am experiencing a lot of pain for being so young. My day consists of heating pads, ice packs, pain medications, muscle relaxers, all to keep it from building throughout my day. Pain is incredibly challenging. It is a challenge every hour, everyday, and those who do not have chronic pain will not understand this until they do. A pain free person does not have as many challenges as a chronic pain sufferer. On top of everything, both types will run into life situations, but nothing compares to your health when it is being tested every hour of every day. Trust me when I say this. It is even worse than rape and I have experienced that, too. Chronic pain is the worse and hardest thing ever! It is literally under rated, but let me tell you, it is an eleven out of ten toughness. Yes you heard me!
My favorite part of my day is taking pain medications because I finally will have some pain relief. Some pain relief is better than nothing at all. I am lucky to have a good pain doctor that prescribes me pain medications every month. Many chronic pain sufferers do not have that kind of relief due to laws and how the opioid epidemic has hurt true CPS. We will save this for another blog entry but just know it is true when they say, “One rotted egg, spoils it for the rest of us.”
I am consistent with my pain medications throughout the day. It helps to provide me with some pain relief. Percocet 10mg never gets rid of the pain completely. I wish it did! I wish I did not have pain at all. It is not fair! I have been robbed of living my best life. I think about that a lot but we will save that for a different day, too. At the end of the day, I still have a life to live and I need to keep living as best as I can. Eventually my life will end, probably 60-70 years from now.
I have learned anything is possible and eh, I will only live around to be 90 years old or so. Eventually this pain will end because my life will end, and that is the beauty of it all. When I am 90 and old, I will be ready to go. Chronic pain was exhausting for 60 years! Imagine having chronic pain for that long? Most of you just can’t comprehend that! In a way, I am lucky to have chronic pain. I will not want to live forever and I will be satisfied to be in my coffin because I have lived the hardest life, and I did my very best, and, well, yes I can say “I did it, I am finally free of pain.” I am sure once I make it to heaven, I will get the best prize. You will see.